Ayla's First Birthday...

Ayla's first birthday came and went.  I was so excited and so stressed out.  I wanted everything to be perfect for her.  My mom came into town to be with Tiny, which Ayla LOVED.  The first night Ayla wouldn't even go to sleep until we finally let her sleep on the couch with grandma...

On her birthday, Saturday, November 6th, I wanted to take her out to her first birthday breakfast.  I had big plans.  IHOP!  I was going to get her the cute pancakes that they put a face on made out of fruit and whipped cream.

Well, it took us FOREVER to get out of the house.  Ihop was packed.  I settled for Denny's, which was not packed.  They don't do faces on pancakes.  Since it took us so long to get out of the house, Ayla was starving by the time we got to denny's and was in grumpy baby mode.  Awesome.

After breakfast we went home and napped.  Ayla was unusually grumpy and so was I. 

After napping, it was party time!

Table Set-up.

Ayla inspecting the silverware.

Ayla and her god mother, Carissa.

Elmo cake!

Ayla broke into her cake before the part started...

She wasn't into it when we wanted her to be...

Most of the damage was caused by me putting her hands in it.

We loved our cake!

Ayla liked my cake better than hers...

Presents!

All things Elmo!  Ayla wasn't into presents either...

Mommy and Daddy got the cutest Elmo at Nordstrom...

Ayla and Mommy

So proud!

My sweet girl after all the chaos.

If you notice in the picture above... Ayla looks awful.  I didn't notice it at the time, but looking at the picture, she looks really really awful.  If I would have noticed this at the time I wouldn't have been surprised when my girl woke up around midnight covered in vomit.  And her bedding was covered.  And her new Elmo.  I washed her, changed her, cuddled her... and then it happened all over again downstairs.  And then again when daddy got home from hanging out with Curtis (because I insisted.).

I was a wreck.  I cried and cried.  My poor girl was so sick.  Joseph made a run to the store to get pedialyte (I had to keep her hydrated!) and then again to the store to get her soy formula again.  Our doctor had suggested trying milk-based because she is older.  It was not working out and I couldn't bear to try and give her milk-based when she felt so bad.  I haven't seen anything like it.  I know I'll see it many many more times in the years to come but I am pretty sure I will always cry.  I can't handle my girl being miserable.

Over all, her birthday didn't go as planned in my mind, but it ended up turning out wonderful.  Sickness and all.  Hey, if sickness means sleeping with mommy all night, which we have never done, I am ok with us being miserable once in a while.

I love my girl more than words could ever say.  I want her to have everything.  I want her to grow up strong, happy, and healthy.  I want to be the best mommy that I can be to her so that when she is grown up she can look back and say, "I have the best mom in the world and I want to be just like her."  Because that's what I say about my mom.  It's all I could ever ask for, to be the kind of mother that my mother was.

I'm at work now, but I can't wait to get home and spend time with my girl.  To love her and play with her and read to her...  And when it's bedtime I will sing to her.  A song that I love to sing and that Ayla loves to hear.  Just to remind her that life is hard but that she can stand tall and work through it.  And of course I can hold her little hand whenever she needs it.  :)

This little song by Mirah...

Aren't you going to come along?

Aren't you going to fight?
Aren't you going to hold your hands up to the light?

If you feel an emptiness,
If you want to hide
Think about the blood
That's pumping keeping you alive

We've got it all worked out,
The plans all made
If we believe in the fight
Then we're all saved

It's gonna hurt for a while
But it would anyway
Let us stand resolute
With our voices raised

We have a right to insist
To be free and brave
If that should cease to exist
I'd throw my heart away



It's a long long way


To the promised land


So try where you are,


Do what you can






You belong to what you understand


So teach yourself how to demand


The monument that you deserve


For rising up in a beaten down world


Aren't you going to come along?
Aren't you going to fight?
Aren't you going to hold your hands up to the light?

If you feel an emptiness,
If you want to hide
Think about the blood
That's pumping keeping you alive