Day 02 - Your First Love
My first love. I've always been... boy crazy. So knowing that I have always been so boy crazy it's hard to distinguish what was actually love. Having said that, I know that there are many different levels of love. I believe that you can truly deeply love more than one person. I also believe that with each new person you fall in love with you feel like what you had before just wasn't quite there. It was love, but it wasn't like this love. I could make lists for days of boys that I had crush's on in elementary school, middle school, high school, and beyond. Really, I never forget anything and chances are I still know the first, middle, and last name of *almost* every boy that I just loved. Of course there are a few that stick out. A few that still tug at my heart strings a little bit. The funny thing about these crushes that I had was that I never really acted on them. I didn't date a lot of boys from my school. Oh I wanted to, but being shy certainly played a huge part in this anti-Stanwood dating thing. There was also the fact that my later years in High School I was teased by some of the very boys that I was swooning over for being Mormon and for not "putting out". Well excuuuuuuuse me for being one of the very few non-whorish girls at our school! That was rude, I didn't mean that. But kind of. Looking back it actually makes me angry that I was made to feel so bad about actually having morals and standards. Is it so terribly wrong that a 15 year old didn't want to be sexually active? Is it embarrassing or funny that I held onto my childhood and my innocence for that much longer than others around me? I think not. I hope that Ayla is the same way. I see teenagers now and they look like BABIES to me! I hope that people realize that they have their whole lives ahead of them and that they don't need to throw themselves into adult situations at such a young age, they just don't have to. TANGENT.
My first love. Obviously, like a lot of other girls, my first love was my dad. I worshiped him. He was a good one. He played guitar, sang like Tom Petty, took me on daddy-daughter dates. He loved me. He was my dad.
My next first love? Oh Bryan. As I type this it seriously makes me laugh. How many other girls would type this exact same name? I can only imagine. This kid was shy. He was smart. He was funny. He was adorable. He liked to skateboard. He loved music. He lived in Marysville, I lived in Stanwood. He. Was. Perfect. And unlike most boys that I *loved* I actually got to date Bryan. I got to call him my boyfriend! I remember every single minute of it like it was yesterday. I remember how the air felt outside when he would skateboard, what he smelled like, I even remember the date that we first kissed. Yup, this was the definition of love for a 16 year old girl. We didn't date long. I got freaked out by the intensity of it all and I ended it. I did stupid things like date his friend and blah blah blah. Of course I regretted all of this very early on but he had quite the fan club of girls and what boy wouldn't explore his options? I was heart broken that Bryan was no longer my Bryan. I was heart broken for years. My poor best friend Jonny had to hear about it. A lot. And even when he would try to knock sense into my Bryan-loving head, I would not listen. Years, I tell you. The silly thing is that I'm not even sure when I stopped loving Bryan. Gradually I stopped thinking about him. I stopped comparing every single boy to him. I gave up hope of seeing things like "BLT" ever again. (Bryan loves Tonja!) I moved on and grew up. It really is laughable to me now-a-days. I will always think of Bryan fondly and I will always love the love that I had for him. Young, sweet, stupid love.
My first love. I've always been... boy crazy. So knowing that I have always been so boy crazy it's hard to distinguish what was actually love. Having said that, I know that there are many different levels of love. I believe that you can truly deeply love more than one person. I also believe that with each new person you fall in love with you feel like what you had before just wasn't quite there. It was love, but it wasn't like this love. I could make lists for days of boys that I had crush's on in elementary school, middle school, high school, and beyond. Really, I never forget anything and chances are I still know the first, middle, and last name of *almost* every boy that I just loved. Of course there are a few that stick out. A few that still tug at my heart strings a little bit. The funny thing about these crushes that I had was that I never really acted on them. I didn't date a lot of boys from my school. Oh I wanted to, but being shy certainly played a huge part in this anti-Stanwood dating thing. There was also the fact that my later years in High School I was teased by some of the very boys that I was swooning over for being Mormon and for not "putting out". Well excuuuuuuuse me for being one of the very few non-whorish girls at our school! That was rude, I didn't mean that. But kind of. Looking back it actually makes me angry that I was made to feel so bad about actually having morals and standards. Is it so terribly wrong that a 15 year old didn't want to be sexually active? Is it embarrassing or funny that I held onto my childhood and my innocence for that much longer than others around me? I think not. I hope that Ayla is the same way. I see teenagers now and they look like BABIES to me! I hope that people realize that they have their whole lives ahead of them and that they don't need to throw themselves into adult situations at such a young age, they just don't have to. TANGENT.
My first love. Obviously, like a lot of other girls, my first love was my dad. I worshiped him. He was a good one. He played guitar, sang like Tom Petty, took me on daddy-daughter dates. He loved me. He was my dad.
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| My Dad and I. |
My next first love? Oh Bryan. As I type this it seriously makes me laugh. How many other girls would type this exact same name? I can only imagine. This kid was shy. He was smart. He was funny. He was adorable. He liked to skateboard. He loved music. He lived in Marysville, I lived in Stanwood. He. Was. Perfect. And unlike most boys that I *loved* I actually got to date Bryan. I got to call him my boyfriend! I remember every single minute of it like it was yesterday. I remember how the air felt outside when he would skateboard, what he smelled like, I even remember the date that we first kissed. Yup, this was the definition of love for a 16 year old girl. We didn't date long. I got freaked out by the intensity of it all and I ended it. I did stupid things like date his friend and blah blah blah. Of course I regretted all of this very early on but he had quite the fan club of girls and what boy wouldn't explore his options? I was heart broken that Bryan was no longer my Bryan. I was heart broken for years. My poor best friend Jonny had to hear about it. A lot. And even when he would try to knock sense into my Bryan-loving head, I would not listen. Years, I tell you. The silly thing is that I'm not even sure when I stopped loving Bryan. Gradually I stopped thinking about him. I stopped comparing every single boy to him. I gave up hope of seeing things like "BLT" ever again. (Bryan loves Tonja!) I moved on and grew up. It really is laughable to me now-a-days. I will always think of Bryan fondly and I will always love the love that I had for him. Young, sweet, stupid love.
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| Photo stolen from Bryan's facebook without permission. Sorry Bryan... |
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