Saturday, June 25, 2011


Friends are important.  Friends, real friends, are not easy to find.  Especially in Utah.

I do not understand this place.  This is not a Utah-bashing thing, just a very honest observation... People here are selfish.  I have never met so many self-involved, detached, apathetic people.  It blows my mind because where I come from people care.  I'm pretty sure most people that I grew up associating with would give you the shirt off their back if you asked for it.  Or if you didn't ask they would still notice that you needed it and offer it up willingly.  Here in Utah I can't even make dinner plans with someone without it being pushed out two or three times and then eventually not happening.  And this isn't just one or two people.  This is pretty much everyone.

I've been here for about 4 years (holy cow, how did that happen?) and friends are something that I have struggled with.  I have felt very lonely in this desert state.  There are people everywhere.  Everyone is nice to your face.  There are lots of "we should hang out!" and "let's do this!" type comments, but never any follow-through.  I will tell you, this does nothing for one's health.  I have found myself, on many occasions, wondering why people here don't like me.  After speaking to people about this, it's not just me.  It's just a way of life here.  Do what you want, when you want, if someone else fits into that plan...perfect.  If not, no big deal, who needs friends?

Um.  I do.  I need friends.

June 2007- Rainbow Party (to rebel from wearing Starbucks black and green everyday)

I met Carissa in 2007.  She was a tiny little bird of a girl who got a job at Starbucks.  I had the pleasure of teaching her the tricks of the trade.  (You're welcome current Starbucks customers for training the best barista around!)  We hit it off instantly.  This girl was witty, sarcastic, hilarious, and just plain nice.  I am 4 years older than her.  We are very different but at the same time we click perfectly.

Halloween 2007.  Raggedy Ann and Snow White.

What do we do best?  Talk shit.  Excuse my language.  And by "talk shit" I mean sit for hours discussing life.  Boys, girls, clothes, big cities, careers, family, money... you name it.  We talk about it.  We talk and talk and talk.  And we are funny.  So sarcastic.  So honest.  Harsh at times.  Vulnerable.  We talk a lot.  Half the time I will be telling a story and she will be telling a story.  Simultaneously.  She doesn't respond about what I'm saying, I don't respond about what she's saying.  We just talk.  And I know she's listening.  She knows I'm listening.  No need to acknowledge what the other is saying.  I know that she's listening because the next time I see her is when she asks the follow-up questions.

Best Barista!

Sometimes life gets in the way and we'll go a couple weeks without seeing each other or even exchanging more than an "I just miss you" text message.  But when we finally get together it is perfect.  And I remember why she has become one of my very best friends.  A rare find here in Utah County.  A consistent, true friend.  Someone that I can call when I am having a bad day, or when I want to dance, or when I kiss a boy and I need to talk about it for over an hour, or when I feel like doing nothing but eating pizza wearing no makeup with messy hair and a child wearing nothing but a diaper... Someone to be the godmother to my baby.  Ayla adores Carissa.  Little bird already paints her nails, tells her embarrassing stories about me, and talks about when we're old sitting at a cafe drinking coffee getting ready to send a 20 year old Ayla off to Europe for a semester, and how she's prepared to deal with a child who rebels against me...she has advice ready.

Terrible dark picture... But this was yesterday, pizza night at Carissa's house!

I love her and I am thankful for the friendship that we have.  If nothing else good comes from my time here in Utah, I have found a life-long friend in Carissa Lee Fillmore.
June 2011.  Owl Bar, Sundance, UT


  1. I couldn't agree more. It's hard to find good friends. And EVERYONE needs friends :)


  2. if you wind up having one life-long friend, them you are blessed.

  3. I have a really good idea. Make me cry. Make me cry my little eyes out. And make me look at pictures of Ayla when she is a little munchkin boober and cry again.

    You are one of those rare people in life that just gets it. If I don't see you for months at a time, I feel like we pick up our conversation right where we left off. Thanks for being that person.

    And thanks for making me cry. Ass.