I have made one of the hardest decisions I have ever had to make. I'm leaving my job to be a full-time mother.
Now I know you can say, that's a no-brainer, your child is the most important thing, it's not a hard decision. Or you may say, don't be old-fashioned, be a working woman, day care isn't a big deal.
I've thought about each side of the spectrum. Thought about each side for hours. Talked to Joseph for hours. Talked to my mom. It was a really hard decision for me.
Now before I go on, let me say that I love my daughter more than I thought I could ever love anything.
Having said that, my job has become a part of me. The people I work with, the things I do every day. It's become who I am. It doesn't define me, but I take great pride in the fact that I do what I do SO WELL.
I have been very fortunate to have a generous boss who has become much more than that. He's a great friend. He really cares about Joseph, Ayla, and I. I look forward to our daily conversations about furniture, jack in the box, shoes, people, you name it, we talk about it.
And then my co-workers... they're my FRIENDS! I care so much about them. I hate getting up in the morning, but I've never once been upset about going to work. I look forward to it.
The work that I do! I eat, sleep, drink, and breathe these accounts! I can't sleep at night because I'm wondering if a specific install went in. I wake up and check my emails in the middle of the night to see if I missed anything. I can't wait to get into work and check that days installs that are scheduled to be going in. It's like I get high on solving problems and having things go exactly the way they are supposed to.
I feel like I am losing a part of me and it's going to be so hard. I couldn't even talk to Mark. I handed him my letter and burst into tears. He was so good. He gave me a hug and he told me that there was nothing wrong with the choice that I was making. He said that being a mother is the most amazing job that one could do. He told me that society today makes it seem like a negative thing to stay home with your children, but there is no shame in being a mother. He said the team will miss me, but that he supports my decision. After I stopped crying I was relieved.
It's official. I get to spend my time - all my time - with her!
Here goes motherhood...