A letter to Ayla this Father's Day. {The longest post ever.}

{Because we're going to be out of town for Father's Day.}

Dear Ayla,

I have thought a lot about what I would write on this  blog about your daddy.  I had so many great ideas.  I could brag about how handsome he is and how funny he is and how great of a daddy he is to you and how great of a husband he is to me.  But that's not something that I need to tell you.  I know that you can feel it.

You are a very lucky little girl.  You have what a lot of kids don't have and that is a daddy who stays home with you.  You get to wake up and eat cereal with your daddy everyday.  Your daddy watches the Disney channel with you every day.  Your daddy takes the time to put your crazy hair into a pony tail {which you destroy} every day.  Your daddy makes sure that you get snacks and mac-n-cheese or noodles and milk whenever you're hungry.  He plays games with you.  He laughs with you.  He is always there for you.

Do you want to know why you're extra, extra lucky?  You are an extra lucky little girl because your daddy chose to love you.  See, your daddy met mommy when you were just a baby.  You could hardly even talk!  Mommy was worried about introducing the two of you because I wanted to be sure that he was a good one.  I didn't want to introduce you, decide that he wasn't right for our family {or have him decide we weren't right for him!}, and then have him be gone.  It's a tricky situation being a single lady with a baby.  Dating isn't just casual anymore.  Not only did someone that I was going to date need to be good for me, but they needed to be good for you.  I knew from the beginning that he was a good guy, but he turned out to be the best guy.  For me and for you.

Your daddy and I fell in love.  I was head-over-heels.  And Ayla, you were too.  You have loved Kyle from the beginning.  You started calling him Tyle {You couldn't make the K sound} and then Ty-ty, then Ky-ky, then Kylo, and finally you could say Kyle.  He eventually became "Daddy Ky-ky" and after we were married, you called him daddy.  I let you go at your own pace with him.  I didn't force a relationship.  Your daddy Ky-ky just swept in and loved you from the start.  He chose me and he chose you.  Someday when you are grown you will understand how huge that decision was.  You will understand that loving a child that isn't yours is not always easy.  For your daddy, it was easy.  He has never once made me feel bad about having a child or been sorry that we have never had the normal child-less dating or married phase.  You know, doing whatever we want, whenever we want.  He chose you to be his daughter and he has never looked back.  You are such a lucky girl.

Your daddy and I were to be married on September 8th, 2012.  We we going to be sealed for time and all eternity.  I only had one issue.  I couldn't bear the thought of not being sealed to you.  I just couldn't think about that.  With a lot of prayer and fasting on my part and your extended families part, we got the blessing to have you sealed to us.  Your biological daddy wrote a letter giving us his permission.  He loves you very much and he gave you an amazing gift that I will always be grateful for.  Your daddy Joseph gave us his blessing to be sealed as a family.

On September 8th, 2012 you came to the Temple with daddy and I.  We were sealed as a family.  I will never forget your sweet little face, you seemed so nervous about all eyes on you.  And your beautiful white dress.  I will never forget that the first thing you said to us was that you were hungry.  I love that you remember that day too.  You remember almost every detail from the Temple.  I love to ask you about it and have you show me how we had our hands together and hear you say, "We were sealed as a family, mom!"

We are so lucky to be sealed to the best daddy in the world.  He really is the best.  But I don't have to tell you that.  Like I said, I know that you can feel it.  As a mommy, nothing could ever make my heart happier than the love between you and your daddy.  The daddy that chose you.

Love, Your Mommy

**********

Last Sunday Ayla's Sunday school teacher asked Ayla questions about Kyle.  They wrote down her answers.  This is so awesome because these ladies don't even know Kyle.  The answers came straight from Ayla.  She sure knows him well! {Reading this makes me cry.  Her daddy makes her heart feel real happy!}

Pictures say a thousand words right?  Now look at these pictures {SO. MANY. PICTURES.} and tell me that they don't have the sweetest relationship you've ever seen!  These two make my heart feel real happy.

This is Ayla approx. two months before she met Kyle.  She was just a tiny thing.

March 2011

 

06/12/2013

Can't you just feel the love from these pictures?  Best.  Daddy.  Ever.

Happy Father's Day Kyle!

{I can't wait to make more babies with you!}

And as a bonus... He's a video of baby Ayla coming home and asking to see Kyle.  :)  That little voice!  November 2nd, 2011.

Busy, busy, busy.

I feel like my life is non-stop right now.  I am just go, go, going!  Needless to say, my documentation is falling by the way side.

I swear I will write more someday about what is going on in our lives, but for right now I just want to document one thing that I never want to forget.

It was a weeknight, we were just spending time at my house.  I was cooking dinner and attempting to bake a cake.  (I say attempting because I only have a toaster oven.  It was a fail.)  I was listening to music.  Ayla and Kyle were rolling around the floor.  Tickling, laughing, playing.  Just having fun.

Kyle looked up and me and said, "Can we be married already so this can be my life everyday?"

My heart just about melted.  I love him.  And I love our girl.  I love us together.  I can't wait to be a family.  And although I know not every night will be exactly like that, it will be perfect just to be together.

Whirlwind.

Almost daily I think about things that I want to blog about.  I have all these thoughts that I would love to write down and sort out and archive... but I don't.  I get busy and I get tired or lazy or forgetful.

But here I am with an update!

First of all- AYLA WENT POO IN HER "BIG GIRL POTTY" THIS MORNING!  I know, I know.   Gross. You don't care.  But this is really fantastic news for us.  I have been attempting to potty train her for like... ever.  I mean, she'll be 3 in November!  It's just so hard because she is in school for 6 hours a day and we are all over the place spending time with Kyle and avoiding our cramped quarters that we call home, so potty training just hasn't happened.  I have been feeling very discouraged about it lately and have been researching and brainstorming the techniques that I think my girl would like best.  Turns out she just needs to do it on her own time.  This doesn't surprise me in the least.  She took forever to learn to walk.  I thought she would NEVER walk.  And then when she was 15 months old she took off running and never looked back.  And then the talking... I was so worried when she took forever to start talking.  But again, when she decided she was ready, I swear she was practically speaking full sentences.  I have come to the conclusion that my stubborn daughter will do things her own way in her own time.  I need to start trusting that she really is listening and she really is understanding.  She just wants to soak it all in and show me in her own way.  Anyway, she has recently been telling me and her teacher at school when she needs to go potty.  And she goes!  She likes her independence and her privacy.  She wants the door shut and she wants to do it by herself!  My girl is so independent.  And so smart.  I am so proud of her!

One thing that has been on my mind a lot lately is the relationship between Kyle and Ayla.  I so love seeing them together.  I am truly lucky that I found a man who was so open to my little girl and is so great with her.  He has really stepped in and accepted her and he shows her (and me) every day that he really loves and cares about her.  And boy, does she love him.  When "Kylo" isn't there she is talking about him.  She is asking where he is, if she can see him, what he's doing, etc.  She turns almost every object into a pretend phone and calls "Daddio".  She has long detailed conversation where she explains everything that she is doing.  She still calls him "Kylo" but she has also thrown in "Daddy Kyky" and most recently and most frequently, "Daddio".  That one is my favorite.  It makes me so happy to see her recognizing him as a fatherly figure.  In true Ayla form; in her own way and on her own time.

As we get closer and closer (93 DAYS!) to our wedding and we spend more and more time with Kyle it becomes harder to be away from him.  It gets harder every time we leave his house in the evening and Ayla cries for him.  It is almost physically painful to listen to her laying in bed at night asking to be snuggled by "Daddio" when he isn't there.  I say, "I'm sorry baby, he's not here.  He's at his own house."  And she cries and says, "I want Daddio, mom!"  And I know exactly how she is feeling because I feel the same way!  We are so close, but still so far.

I cannot wait until we are married and able to settle into our home as a family and get into a routine and not be living this all-over-the-place lifestyle that I feel we are currently living.

When I was talking with my Bishop this past Sunday I mentioned that we were going on a trip with Kyle and his family this month.  He told me that he thinks every engaged couple should go on at least one trip together because the way you act when you are away from home and out of your comfort zone and together constantly can really show you a lot about the person you are going to marry.  Kyle and I were talking about this later that day and we talked about our trip to Arizona this past January.  If I didn't already think I wanted to marry Kyle before, I sure thought it after that trip!  When we came home from a long weekend of being together all day every day and having him two doors down in the same house I was depressed.  I was so sad that he was 8 miles away from us.  I remember sitting in my bed and sulking because it made me so incredibly sad to have that glimpse of what life living with him was like and then to have to go back to not living with him.  That was the worst.  And it has been increasingly hard every since then.  Especially since we are engaged and we KNOW that we will be spending forever together.  I just want it now!  I am not a patient person!  93 days... only 93 days...  We have come this far!  The wait is going to be so worth it!

I love our little family!

Exciting news... We had our engagement photos taken last week!  There will be a post dedicated just to those when I get them!

Also... My iPhone has finally died.  I am really sad about it.  I have over 3,000 photos and videos on that phone that are a'goner.  And now I have to have an old, ancient, boring replacement phone until I get eventually get an iPhone again.  Sigh.