Wednesday, November 3, 2010

The Birth Story of Ayla Marie Salazar. (Almost one year later)

Dear Baby Ayla,

It all started here.  March 15th, 2009.

I woke up on a lazy Sunday morning, climbed out of bed, went to put on a sweatshirt and OUCH!  My chest was unbearably sore.  WHAT?  Something clicked in my brain and I knew.  I just knew, without any other signs, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that I was pregnant.  I made Joseph take me to buy a test.  We stopped at Starbucks (you know that place well now) and I couldn't take the waiting.  Right there, in the American Fork, Utah Starbucks, I found out that I was expecting a tiny little person.  A tiny little Ayla.

Now a lot of women have hard pregnancies.  A lot of women go through a lot to meet their tiny ones.  A lot of women cannot wait to be done with being pregnant.  Your mommy was not one of those women.  Sure, by the end I was uncomfortable, I couldn't sleep in my bed anymore, I felt like a whale... but I was one lucky mama.  Through my entire pregnancy I didn't even throw up once.  I got nauseus, mainly from odd smells.  I had days where I wanted nothing more than to sleep forever.  I got quite a few stretch marks...  But other than those small hiccups, my pregnancy was smooth sailing.  I was on cloud nine knowing that my growing tummy had my baby, my very own baby, inside of it.

I'm gonna be honest here.  Joseph and I wanted a boy.  We wanted a boy sooo bad.  When I dreamed of being a mom, and I always have, I pictured boys.  I think it has something to do with the fact that I only have brothers.  Boys are all I know.  Girls scared me.  Even though I wanted a little boy I knew from the beginning, just like I knew I was pregnant, I knew that it was a girl.  I could just feel it in the deepest parts of my soul.  And the nightly dreams I had about a dark haired baby girl just solidified it in my mind.  We were having a girl.  And at 19 weeks, the doctors confirmed it.

That little skull was a girl.  My girl.  When it came down to names for this little girl, we had one picked out for you almost from the beginning.  Joseph and I didn't agree on a single name.  Until the name Isla.  We both loved it.  And being the way I am and caring about the meaning behind the name, I couldn't go with the traditional spelling I-s-l-a.  It just means island.  So I searched and found out that the hebrew spelling A-y-l-a means "of the moonlight."  Are you kidding me, that's gorgeous!  So Ayla it was.  We chose Marie because of Joseph's late mother, Marielana.  Marie meaning "beauty and grace".  Miss Ayla Marie, you're name roughly translated means "beauty and grace of the moonlight".

After so much waiting and anticipating, my due date was here.  November 2nd, 2009.  Unfortunately, you had other plans.  My due date came and went.  I waited.  And waited.  Those four days were probably the longest days of my life.  Luckily, I was scheduled to be induced on Monday the 9th.

Friday, November 6th, 2009.  I woke up around 4 AM feeling a little uncomfortable.  I was thinking to myself,  "Am I having contractions?"  So I tried to time them.  Unfortunately I kept falling asleep inbetween them.  I convinced myself that they couldn't possibly be contractions because those should hurt really bad.  I should be screaming in pain and unable to fall asleep.  Around 7 AM it was still going on.  At this point I was able to time them and they were 8 minutes apart.  I woke up Joseph and asked what I should do.  We decided I needed to call the hospital and get their opinion.  The nurse sounded like there was nothing to worry about, telling me that until they're 3-5 minutes apart I shouldn't come in.  Well, they weren't and I felt fine, so I decided to just stay in bed aka the couch.  Your daddy decided to call into work and keep my company, just in case.  We went out to get lunch.  I got a bagel and cream cheese, he got a philly cheese steak.  :)  Unfortunately, I just couldn't eat my food.  My contractions were about 6 minutes apart and I just wasn't feeling it.  Shortly after we had lunch I just had a feeling that I needed to go to the hospital.  We grabbed my suitcase and took our sweet time getting up there.  The nurses were shocked to see me after 4 PM, they were under the impression that I should have come in after speaking with the nurse at 7 AM.  Interesting.

Long story short, I was changed into a gown, put in a bed, and hooked up to all kinds of monitors.  They gave me a bit of pitocin to speed up the process because I was dilated to a 3 already.  Then came the epidural.  Oh holy cow.  That was literally the worse part of my pregnancy experience, start to finish, hands down.  It did not feel good.  But after the man was done hitting my spine with a needle, I didn't feel a thing!  I feel like time flew when I was laying in that bed.  I was nervous.  Really nervous.  I just knew that it was going to hurt.  So bad.  And oh my gosh, I was not prepared!  What if I didn't have everything?  How was I going to hold you?!  I couldn't even remember the last time that I held a baby!  So when the nurses came in shortly after giving me the pitocin to find out that I was completely dilated and while checking me my water broke, I was terrified!  This was it!  You were coming whether I was ready or not!

They called out doctor to let her know and she was there in a flash.  Everyone was so relaxed that I calmed down pretty quickly.  Heather, our doctor, hadn't even put scrubs on.  She was just hanging out in her jeans and a t shirt, talking me through how to begin pushing.  I started pushing at 9:25 PM.  Your poor daddy who just wanted to stand by my head avoiding the show, was instructed to hold my leg and help out.  I pushed a few times and it was cake.  I mean really easy.  Heather was in the process of telling me that it's common for first-timers to be pushing for up to 3 hours when BAM!  You made your first appearance!  Your head was out!  Everyone was shocked!  SHOCKED!  Especially your daddy who looked at me with an expression I had never seen before and have not seen since.  "I see her head!"  He said, face white as a ghost.  He looked like he was about to hit the floor, or throw up, or cry, or laugh, all at once.  "Does she have hair?!"  I asked.  Nothing was ready!  The nurses and Heather went into work mode and busted out the papery sheets, Heather threw on her scrubs, they got the baby warmer ready... all while you were just hanging out, waiting for some help.  Then the next thing that I heard was screaming.  Tiny, insanely loud screaming.  "IS THAT HER?!"  It was.  It was you, my perfect tiny Ayla.

At 9:53 PM on November 6th, 2009, you entered the world with a bang and lungs that I could not believe.  6 pounds 14 ounces and 19 and a half inches long!

They handed you to me and I was in heaven.  I kept thinking, "This is her.  This is Ayla, I'd know her anywhere.  This is my girl.  My baby.  My baby."

They took you away to clean you up and check you out and oh my goodness.  Your screaming.  I will never forget it.  My ears were ringing.  I didn't know that a newborn could be that loud.  You were so upset that they couldn't get your heart rate which scared the crap out of me because they ewre so concerned!  Luckily, they figured it out and you were absolutely perfect.  Your daddy was so cute, running back and forth between you and me.  Saying things like, "She has 10 fingers and 10 toes!"  I loved that because it hadn't even occurred to me that fingers and toes could be an issue.

Look at how proud your daddy was.  He has the most amazing love for you.  The bond between you two is something really special.  I love the way that you love your daddy and I love that way that he loves you back.  His hand looks so big around your tiny body.

Your grandma Melanie rushed into the room shortly after all of the madness happened with your aunt Marilyn in tow.  Grandma was sad that she missed your arrival, but we're so glad that she was there at all!  After Joseph and I, your grandma Melanie was the next person in out family to hold you and fall in love with you.

We were finally taken to our room.  Our own little home-away-from home where we were allowed to rest as a family for the very first time.  It was surreal.  It still makes me feel light-headed when I think of being left alone with my little tiny for the first time.  My baby.  You were so little and so upset.  You cried.  And cried.  And cried.  And I didn't know what to do.  Lyrics by Tilly and The Wall kept running through my head:  "The newly born crying realizing what life is".  All I could do was hold you and soothe you and rock you and stare at my tiny.  You were perfect.  Just perfect.  Crying and all.  You were everything I never knew I always wanted.  Some how, we got it together.  You calmed down.  I calmed down.  Your daddy calmed down.  And we were family.  We laid on my bed and we were all in love and everything in the world was perfect.

Our First Family Photo.
 That, little Tiny Ayla, is how you came into my world.  In my world you are the sun and I am your moon, constantly orbiting around you.  You are the center of my every thought, action, and breath that I take.

This little birth story is over, but the story of us has barely begun.  I can't wait for each and every page to be written.  You turn one in 3 days.  3 days!  This past year has flown by.  I feel like just yesterday I was learning how to cradle you in my arms just right and fit next to me like a puzzle piece.  I love you beautiful Tiny!

Love, Your Mommy


  1. Oh my gosh Tonya! Beautiful story. I loved reading it! I wish we could come to her party! She is such a cutie! We will have to hang out soon! It's been too long!

  2. So cute! I really can't wait :)

  3. So beautiful! And a happiest first birthday to Ayla this weekend!