Thursday, November 11, 2010

Day 4.

Day 4 – Your favorite photograph of your best friend.

Jonathan Heath Pearce.  Always and forever my very best friend.  Boomerang, baby.

This picture reminds me of everything that I love about my best friend.  It reminds me of countless nights at denny's, countless movie nights, countless trips to deception pass, countless hugs, texts, and JONNY!!!'s. 

My Best Friend

We're older now.  Grown up and grown apart.  But nothing can compare to our friendship.  Nope, nothing.

From my livejournal 2004:
i like that jonny is my best friend. he knows EVERYTHING, i'm not even exagerating, everything about my life. any secret i have, isn't a secret because jon knows. and thats nice. because secrets kill me. they eat at me until i end up telling everyone and regretting it. even though thats always what i do with secrets anyway. but i like that i can trust jon with my life. i like that any time i'm excited about something i can tell him, no matter how stupid it is, and he'll be excited with me. whereas other people will just say "cool" and forget about it. i like that when i'm upset he listens to me and comforts me and gives me the option of crying my eyes out while he just sits there, letting me have company and not making me talk. i like that he never tells me what to do, but gives helpful suggestions and wishes me the best. i love that he says he'll do anything for me, and i know he would. i like that i can make him laugh. a lot. and even though it sounds like a mocking laugh to me, he's still laughing. i like that i can open up to him and be the freakin weirdo that i am around him and he still loves me. i love that he cares about every little detail of my life. everything. i hope i'm as good of a friend to him as he is to me. sigh. yeah right.

And from my deadjournal I found a quote from Jon from an AIM convo we had:
FinchlineEnd: how do boys like you when you're so weird???


Deadjournal 2003:
"Jonny said that enough people give me crap that he doesn't have to. And that's why I love Jonny."

Deadjournal October 9th, 2003:
"finchlineEnd: hey, don't kill me or anything for trying to make your day better, but go outside your front door real quick

outside my front door was orange sherbet ice cream and chocolate syrup. my favoriet combination ever.
finchlineEnd: you're're not upset I tried to cheer you up are you? cuz I figured it was justified since I had teased you with the idea the other day
i had to sit for a minute.
sobs so hard my chest hurts. because jonny loves me."

Aaaaaand deadjournal 10/8/2003:
"I'd like to dedicate this post to Jonathan Heath Pearce.

 I just don't think you understand how much I love you. I'm not sure if you ever will.You always always listen to me. You always make me laugh. You always laugh at me! You think I'm funny! There aren't a lot of people that find me amusing. hehe.
I can open myself up to you. You know how to push the right buttons to open me up and get me talking. No one, and I mean no one else, gets to hear what you hear from me.
YOU UNDERSTAND ME! And if you don't, you do a very good job of seeming like you do. Or just asking questions until you do :)
You always make my mood jump up like 50 million points. even when i'm pissed off. another thing that no one else can do...
What more can I say?
I would stay up forever to hear you talk. To try to answer your questions.
Thank you for being wonderful. I love you!!!


Deadjournal again:
"he asked me if him and another boy asked to marry me today and he had food, which would i choose? i asked if the other boy had a guitar. then i asked what kind food jonny had.

i said: i'm not ready to get married yet. so in years, would you still want me?
he said: you'd still be beautiful.

so Jon wins."

"finchlineEnd: hey Tonja, if all else fails you can marry me if you need support, I don't care if you cheat on me either, its cool, I just want you to be able to do what you want in life and not worry about money"

To numerous boyfriend/marriage proposals I would reply:

You're too good a friend to risk it all for a boyfriend, we'd end up breakin up. Then you'd just be another boy I shouldn't have told my secrets to.

From Jon's deadjournal 2005:

Ok, well basically tonjas not in the mood to talk to anyone right now. Which if you know her and I, you'll know this blows goats. I've become too dependent on her friendship. And it makes me wonder if I'm getting too dependent on friendship in general. To be honest, I think I give some admiral loyalty to friends, so expect the same. But I doubt she's meaning to be disloyal. Its just...its tonja! This is the girl that I've told everything without holding back for the past two or three years. And she's getting stressed by her job, to say the least, so she's become different. Where's that gorgeous, optimistic, cheerful girl I used to text till dawn? What happened to my best friend that would scratch my back, fed me grapes like I was caesar himself, and I left orange ice cream and chocolate sauce on her doorstep on a depressing day? It feels like I've been dumped. That's what it feels like. And I'm sure its not permanent or anything directed towards me. I guess I thought our relationship was exempt from such perils? I dunno, but it sucks. On the more selfish side, it sucks not feeling like I have someone to text all my absurd, random thoughts to. To have someone to confess to.
"Jonny. I love you so much. Thank you for taking me away. For letting me listen to the Beatles. For letting me cry. For taking me to beautiful places. And for talking to me when I finally got around to it.. I love you."

Pretty much my entire deadjournal is documentation of our friendship.  Our closeness and our love.

Sometimes I wonder what things would would have been like had we made different choices.  We've talked about it a few times over the years.  Why we never ran away together, why we never even gave it an honest shot.  We have even been so bold as to say it would have been perfect.  But Jonny said it best himself just 2 minutes ago:

"It's only perfect because it's not real, you know?"

Yes, I know.  :)

We don't have the closeness anymore.  I don't text him until 4 AM every single night anymore.  He doesn't know my each and every secret.  He's not here to scoop me up and carry me away when I cry anymore.  I have someone else to do that now.  But he's still there.

I remember one conversation we had about 6 years ago... it was a little after 2 AM.  We were texting, of course, and I asked him if he would still be there for me to text at 2 AM 10 years from now.  He said he'd always be there for me to text at 2 AM.

6 years later, he's still there.  Sometimes I wake up to a text that I received after 2 AM from him and I have to smile.  Yup, he's still here.

Thanks for being the best friend ever Jonny.

If we go down, we go down together!

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